3rd September 2009

Text with 4 notes

no words necessary: steve-o’s rebuttal of awesome instrumentals

Here we go, folks. I’m honored to feature the first guest post in t t j m d history. This one comes from my very good friend Steve Belfiglio (aka Steve-O). Steve-O is a Philadelphia native whose resume is perfect for this esteemed publication: former Quizzo host (Pub Trivia for you Yay Area residents), former karaoke host, music trivia extraordinaire, “music choice” song identification grand champion, and  - by God - one of the best karaoke performers I have ever seen. And I have seen some, believe you me.

Steve-O is here today to rebut my prior top-10 list of instrumentals with his own list. I’m thrilled to publish his two cents here, because this man sure does know his music. Enough from me; let’s get to his list:

—————

Part I: Honorable Mentions

1. STEVE HOWE – CLAP & MOOD FOR A DAY

In order to effectively whet your ears for the orgasmic finale that is my number one instrumental tune, I’ve decided to ease your innocent ears into the list with a few acoustic jams. I find it only fitting that I begin our erotic journey with a song that shares its name with a venereal disease….

Steve Howe’s “Clap” has been one of my favorite lyric-less songs since one of my buddies played it at our high school variety show. Ignoring the fact that Howe looks like a disco version of Hugo Weaving’s elf character in Lord of the Rings, he’s okay in my book since his solo performances prevent Jon Anderson from emitting that testosterone-impaired voice of his. “Mood for a Day” is an equally awesome piece, but it’s a little more peaceful and less contagious than “The Clap.” It starts at the 5:54 mark.

2. ALLMAN BROTHERS – LITTLE MARTHA*

The asterisk is added above because this song is on my Top 10 list in real life, but I grouped it with the other acoustics, figuring you commercial whores would be more interested in a list of the pop music (jokes). Sean’s first instrumental post included the immortal “Jessica,” so I can’t duplicate that… But I will offer “Little Martha,” which is basically two minutes and fifteen seconds of acoustic perfection. My attempts at describing the tune would not do it justice. However, I will advise you to crank this mother if you happen to be driving on a mountain road in autumn after the leaves turn and begin slowly falling to the ground. Feel free to listen to it in other situations as well…

If you’re still in need of an instrumental fix from the Allmans after that, see also: “In Memory of Elizabeth Reed”, and “Instrumental Illness.”

3. BLACK CROWES – SUNDAY NIGHT BUTTERMILK WALTZ

I know what you’re thinking… The Crowes? Without Robinson wailing the boogie-be-Jesus out of our unworthy ears? It doesn’t make sense that a group known for its rompin’, stompin’, raspy jams would keep an acoustic instrumental tune handy, but this track complements their swagger nicely.

4. ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA – FIRE ON HIGH

If you can make it past the one minute and 30 seconds of creepy satan sounds and ominous tones, you will embark on a magical acoustic/orchestral journey that I like to imagine would feature a laser light show that shines from the depths of Jeff Lynne’s incredible ‘fro. With a power chord progression that loops throughout the track and reaches epic proportions, I’m surprised this song hasn’t made an appearance on a Jock Jams album. Listen for yourself and tell me you wouldn’t want to warm up to this song…

5. BOOKER T & THE MG’S – HANG ‘EM HIGH

A re-worked, soul-injected version of the theme from a 1968 Clint Eastwood western of the same title, “Hang ‘Em High” is pretty bad ass. Ideal for riding horses and hunting bandits.

6. CURTIS MAYFIELD – JUNKIE CHASE

This is my favorite song to listen to while chasing junkies.

[***Eds. Note: t t j m d in no way condones or encourages junkie-chasing. Unless said junkie owes you money. Then - of cours - chase that junkie.***]

Part II: The List

10. THE COMMODORES – MACHINE GUN

This is where it starts to get funky, folks… Unless you own the soundtrack to the Brock Landers & Chest Rockwell classic “Angels Live In My Town”, it’s pretty tough to get any funkier or disco-ier than this song.  Check out Lionel on those keys… He crazy.

9. APOLLO 100 – JOY

Great tune that no one can ever put a name to… It’s actually based on a composition by Bach called “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring,” but you’ll probably recognize it from The 40 Year Old Virgin and a few other flicks.

8. THE METERS – CISSY STRUT

The Meters could easily have three or four songs on this list, but many are simply too awesome to be exposed to the untrained ear. Plus, their songs get exponentially better as you add words to them. See also: “Cabbage Alley” and “Hey Pocky-A Way.”

7. BILLY PRESTON – OUTA-SPACE

This one sounds pretty similar to “Machine Gun,” but it’s a million times cooler because Billy Preston played piano for the Beatles. What’s that? You need another reason to warrant me ranking this song at #7? Boom.

6.  WALTER MURPHY – A FIFTH OF BEETHOVEN

One of the coolest covers of all time, “A Fifth of Beethoven” is often mistakenly credited to ELO, much to the dismay of Walter Murphy, who was attempting to corner the orchestral disco market at the time (obviously a great career decision). Next to Falco’s ode to Mozart, “Fifth” is probably my favorite modern tribute to a classical composer.

5.  CLIFF NOBLES & CO. – THE HORSE

I don’t know when the “White People Can’t Dance” stereotype was born, but after watching the video to accompany Cliff Nobles’ “The Horse,” I realize that the song definitely doesn’t do its part to disprove the theory… This YouTube gem is a clip from the 60’s TV show Teen Time, which seems to be the root of Caucasian boogie-shoe futility. Notice how the only two people capable of executing the song’s accompanying dance move are the two African-American teens that command most of the screen time. The rest of the room looks like they took dance lessons from Al Czervik. Practice your own moves while Nobles & Company jam on.

Here’s the A side, “Love Is All Right”, which utilizes “The Horse” as the backing track and leads the way for some soulful Nobles vocals.

Later that year, Nobles attempted to capitalize on the success of “The Horse” by tweaking a few notes to produce the sequel: “Horse Fever”. Apparently, the producers of Teen Time felt that some program (and wardrobe) changes were in order.

Fun Fact: Cliff Nobles’ horn section, his “Company” if you will [Eds. note: I will], went on to become Mother Sister Father Brother, also known as…

4. MFSB – TSOP (THE SOUND OF PHILADELPHIA)

If you’ve never been to Philadelphia, let me tell you, this is exactly what it sounds like… Of course, with a few boo’s mixed in.

Fun Fact: The lovely ladies responsible for the “people all over the world” line tossed in toward the end of the song are known as the Three Degrees, who sang this song, which was prominently featured during the closing credits of this movie.

[Eds. note: that blew my mind.]

3. LOVE UNLIMITED ORCHESTRA – LOVE’S THEME

If you thought Barry White was cool when he was Barry White, think again.  Before he became known for the deepest voice in the pre-Brad Roberts era, Mr. White served as the maestro of the Love Unlimited Orchestra, where he chose to display some of the most incredible suits known to man.

Watch Barry look awesome while conducting the shit out of this song live by clicking here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coN5Lj__X-s

“I said if you wanna scream, it’s all right… Right on!”

For some reason there are some terrible singers who chime in and sing over this live version. Just ignore them. Instead, please direct your attention to the background dancers in semi-Princess Leia garb on pedestals. Now that’s kinda awesome.

2. BAR-KAYS – SOUL FINGER

I don’t know what a Soul Finger is, but I bet it’s pretty effin’ cool. This is arguably the best horn section ever. Ever. My advice to you: Put this jam on and watch the mother burn down.

(Per Wikipedia) “It features a chorus of neighborhood children who had been loitering outside the recording studio; they were instructed to shout the words ‘Soul Finger!’ and were paid with Coca-Colas.” Extra Classic, I hope. They earned it.

1. YOUNG-HOLT UNLIMITED – SOULFUL STRUT

If there was ever a song capable of it, I’m pretty convinced that this is the tune that can make the average-tempered person whistle “Zippity-Doo-Dah” out of his or her asshole. About three years ago, I was having a God-awful day and hating the world on my walk back from the gym (which, when I think about it, was probably the last time I went to the gym)… I know I was in a bad mood because I kept my headphones on during the walk home – something that only anti-social, ungrateful turds do while walking down the street.

The shuffle was working great that day, but what happened next was unforeseen and unbelievable all at the same time… The Soulful Strut.

The song came on and my demeanor did a 180. I felt like Uncle Remus himself. I started talking to cartoon birds and may or may not have skipped for the remainder of my walk. It was un-diculous.

The song has a pretty killer story to go along with it, as well. Young-Holt made this as the intended backing track for a Barbara Acklin song called “Am I The Same Girl” and released it as an instrumental while Barbara was being a huuuuuuuuuuuge bitch in the studio. The “Soulful Strut” went on to become a Top 5 hit and nobody appreciated Acklin adding lyrics and releasing it under a different title. Needless to say, Barbara was pissed.

—————

And thus ends Steve-O’s marvelous contribution to t t j m d. I dug the living daylights out of his list. A few of his (Honorable Mention 2; List 10, 3, 1) were on the cusp of cracking my own list.

I want to thank Steve again for making an appearance and putting out a top-notch post on the lyrics-challenged wonders that are instrumentals.

Thanks for reading, as always. More posts soon to come.